"Your Lordship, my client, the Honourable Atlantisgb! who signs himself as Agb! and represents the Esteemed Scottg, now comes before Your Grace today to file this Complaint against a Blog written by a person named Haggerly in Falkirk."
His Grace, His Lordship (Whatever): "And you are coming before me in a Court in England?"
Pro se plaintiff: "Yes, your Worship."
Bench: "Oh cut out this nonsense and stop calling me daft names and stick to Judge. Falkirk is in Scotland, but you have filed this in England."
Plaintiff: "Yes, Sir."
Bench: "Now you are being sexist and un-Woke. Stick to calling me 'Judge'. So why did you file it here instead of in Scotland?"
Plaintiff: "Because the World Famous Pirate Radio Legend known as Garry Stevens lives here, Judge, and the crimes complained of all took place on his Forum."
Bench: "What was that again? Don't answer that. Why are you here?"
Plantiff: "Judge, the reason I am here today was aptly stated by myself as the Honourable Atlantisgb! on behalf of the Esteemed Scottg, first on November 27 at 4:28 pm in this year of our Lord 2021, and Judge, I submit to you a verbatim copy of what I, as my Client, wrote under the thread of 'More malevolent falsehoods from MH: yes and now he's revealed my details ip address browser computer systems etc plus others who post here what he is doing is not only wrong but illegal hes on this ice. Agb!' Then, on November 30 at 9:07 pm this year, my Client wrote: 'indeed yes rod, he says he knows our IDs, but we know where he lives, I'm surprised scottg has not commented on this. as before mh is on thin ice. I have no more to say on this. Agb!' That is a verbatim account of what I wrote, Judge."
Bench on which the Judge sits draped in a funny wig: "Yes, well, clearly you, as Plaintiff, do not understand punctuation, do you? But be that as it may, who exactly are you, and who is this 'scottg' and who is 'rod'? For that matter, who is this 'MH'?"
Plaintiff: "We are all well respected anoraks, Judge, well, except for 'MH' who Mister Paul Rusling calls 'Haggerly'."
Bench: "You are causing me to lose my patience. Who is this Rusling person?"
Plaintiff: "Judge, he is one of the world's most knowledgeable broadcasting engineers, especially when conducted from old ships, but never broadcast. He has written countless books that he pays to get printed, and for a fee he has advised many would-be planners of radio stations who fail to get on the air. In fact, Mister Peter Moore says that he has served the cause of his community radio station well, and Sir Hans Knot says that everyone, including you, Judge, should read Mister Rusling's Bible every day, just as you read the Holy Bible. He has just updated it Judge, so he says, although no one seems to be able to locate a copy of it. But Judge, it's bound to be the best gossip that any anorak could ever wish to read. I believe in the Venerable Rusling, and if we're all good anoraks I know that Santa Claus will bring us a copy of it. You do believe in Santa, don't you, Judge?".
Bench: "And all this lunacy is taking place where?"
Plaintiff: "On the Garry Stevens' Forum, Judge, and Mister Stevens says that he is world famous."
Bench: "This is all quite silly, isn't it? Who are you?"
Plaintiff: "That's private information Judge."
Bench: "Please sit down while I request assistance from a person qualified to address medical conditions such as your own."
At this point in the proceeding a policeman restrains the Plaintiff while awaiting persons dressed in the authoritative uniform of white smocks to arrive. Judge leaves bench and retires to his chambers and pours a stiff drink.
By the way, there is still no word on the book by the man with the pudding bowl haircut.
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